Rin's throbbing heart
by Louisel27
Summary: Everything is going smoothly, or at least that's what Rin thinks until his life makes an unexpected turn and the darkness that had once left him comes back to hunt him again. Rintori fic.
1. Chapter 1

Everything had calmed down since that last competition's ruckus and it all was going pretty smoothly.

Rin Matsuoka was starting to get along with his teammates and he had finally reunited with his friends. But there have been one thing bugging him all along… he felt as if something had changed inside him. There was something going through a metamorphosis deep in his chest, in the core of his brain and in the blood that flowed through his body. It kept him awake at night, it had him running in circles and wondering what it could possibly mean.

Ever since that last competition, the darkness that was once in his soul had left him and light came to his life. Thanks to that light he was able to see that he was falling, falling deeper and deeper into a crazy and sweet mess called love.

Rin no longer knew how to face his kohai, Aichirou Nitori, and act around him. He fell hard and he wouldn't be able to recover and leave this feeling behind.

Matsuoka needed to get over all this during his summer break. Soon he will be going back to dorms where he won't be able to escape the presence of his cute little junior.

The clock was ticking and the days were going by in the blink of an eye and the promising date was getting closer.

"Big brother, dinner's ready." A cheerful and happy Kou screamed from the dining room.

"I'm coming!" Rin answered and threw a bag to his bed. Then he left his room to head downstairs.

"It looks yummy, mom." Kou exclaimed gleefully. Ms. Matsuoka looked at her and showed a kind smile on her face.

Everyone sat down around the table and was enjoying the delicious meal.

"Rin, honey, have you packed everything already?"

"Mmm, no, I'll do it once I finish dinner." Rin said and forced a smile.

"You seem quite nervous. Is everyone treating you nicely? What about your roommate?"

Rin couldn't help but blush a little; he had been trying to avoid thinking about Nitori and the fact that starting tomorrow they'll start cohabiting in the same space again. Once he heard something that could remind him of his junior made him feel nervous and excited at the same time.

"Ooh, I can see why you're nervous; it must be because of some girl." Said Kou shamelessly and grinned evilly trying to tease him.

"Eh? Is that true, Rin?" their mother exclaimed, she was quite curious about his son's romantic affairs. As you may know, Rin is a really serious person who normally doesn't pay attention to others so hearing that he has someone he likes would catch the interest of anyone.

"Shut up already!" the teenage boy yelled at his relatives but you could notice a faint blush slowly covering his cheeks.

Due to his reaction they decided to tease him some more.

"Hey, honey, how does she look like?"

"Th-that doesn't concern you"

"Eh!? But I need to know how my daughter-in-law is."

"That's right! I want to know more about her too."

Rin glared at them, took his plate and went to the kitchen to wash it.

"Why is my son so gloomy?"

"I don't know, big brother used to be such a cutie before."

"I'm leaving, pair of old hags." The redhead went to the bathroom to pee and brush his teeth.

Then he remembered that in a few more hours he'll see Nitori again. He looked in the mirror and then he looked down to the sink blushing. _Why is this happening to me? Why must I be so abnormal? I don't get this. If he knew about this he would think I'm a fucking freak. _He kept thinking to himself.

He pulled his hair and slapped softly his face with both hands trying desperately to get back to reality.

He went back to his room and filled the bag with clothes and other needs.

The redhead turned off the lights and lay on his bed. He tried to send away thoughts about Nitori, but he couldn't. The little guy was occupying his mind. _What should I wear tomorrow? How should a greet him?_ Thoughts about the coming day kept running on his head.

That night, Rin couldn't sleep well at all, but for a short moment he dreamt about his and his kouhai's reunion. Matsuoka had entered the room and encountered a cute and happy looking Nitori looking his way with a great smile on his face who then welcomed him with a big "Rin-Senpai, welcome back!." After that, Matsuoka told him how much he had missed him and longed for him during their summer break and Nitori said that he felt the same. Then, the older one embraced the other and kissed him gently on the lips.

Suddenly, Rin was woken up by the sound of his cell phone.

"Argh, fuck." He groaned.

He took his cell phone and found out that someone had messaged him.

"Rin-senpai! We will finally be able to meet again, I was feeling so excited I wasn't able to sleep a bit."

Rin, astonished, almost fell off his bed. _I must reply quickly, but why should I say? "Yes, I'm happy we're finally able to meet again" Fuck no! That sounds too cheesy. Should I ask him when will he get there? Or ask him to have lunch before going to the dorm? Shit, I don't know!_

He kept looking at his cell phone for about five minutes, but wasn't able to write anything.

The redhead fell on his back and sighed.

After a couple of minutes, he finally decided to get up. With a painful expression on his face he tossed his cell phone on his bed and left to the bathroom.

His mother knocked on the door of the bathroom and told him to go downstairs to have breakfast when he was finished showering and brushing his teeth.

The food was exquisite like always.

"Well, honey, I hope you have a good day today. Remember to visit us on the weekends whenever you have time!" Rin's mother sent him off with a kiss on the cheek and a loving smile on her face.

"Bye-bye big brother, hope to see you around in practice and stuff!" Kou was smiling and laughing like always.

Rin smiled back at them and headed to the train station. Once he was on the train he couldn't stop thinking about meeting Ai, and how much he regretted not replying to his text message. Now it was too late for that.

He couldn't calm down while walking towards the academy. He was getting closer and closer and he felt as though he could suffer from a heart attack any time soon.

Then Matsuoka felt a small and delicate touch on his shoulder, when he looked behind him there it was, the source of all of his stress.

Nitori smiled at his senpai and greeted him. "Good morning, Rin-senpai!"

Rin't heart skipped a beat. "G-good morning."

"Are you feeling all right senpai? Don't tell me you're feeling sick."

"No, I'm completely fine. Just who do you think I am midget?" Rin was able to say normally even though his heart range was not normal at all.

Nitori noticed the little and cute smile on his upperclassman's face and smiled back at him.

"We should get to our room, don't you think senpai?"

"Umm, yes." Rin said with a troubling voice. _Why must he be so cute, and why the fuck am I getting all hyped up about this? Did he just say we should get to our room? That sounds so fucking wrong in so many fucking ways I can't even think fucking straight._ All kind of things went through Rin's head from wanting to hold Ai's hand while walking to _their_ room to push him down and ravish him.


	2. Chapter 2

Rin was feeling antsy on their way to the dorms, he had the person he loved the most walking right next to him, but he couldn't do anything to him.

He wasn't allowed to.

They were just roommates who happened to start a friendship in the last couple of months.

But Matsuoka was sure of his feelings even if they were just starting to get closer as friends.

Getting to their room felt like an eternity to Rin, and Nitori wasn't helping at all; he kept silenced the whole time.

Once they got to their room, the redhead started unpacking his things.

Nitori stayed in a corner of the room staring at his senpai as if he wanted to say something.

Rin looked at him and asked him what was wrong.

"Mmm, nothing, it's just that… I thought… maybe you were hungry and wanted to go grab a bite once we unpack everything."

Rin felt his cheeks burning and quickly hid his face from his kohai.

"S-sure."

Aiichirou beamed with joy.

_I'm going out on a date with Ai. Wait, what the fuck, Rin? This isn't a date, it's just two friends going out to eat that's all. He wouldn't mean it that way, not in a billion years. Fuck, I need to get a grip of myself. I'm feeling way too happy. This seems unreal._

After they had unpacked everything, each took their wallets and left together.

They were already outside the Academy when Nitori decided to break the silence.

He looked up to his senpai and asked.

"So, senpai, what would you like to eat?"

Rin thought he looked way too adorable. He was always on the verge of pushing Nitori down when he looked at him with those big and alluring blue eyes.

"Mmm, actually, mmm… I ate before coming."

He tried to look away from his kohai, but it wasn't possible.

He hadn't seen him in so long, he _needed_ to stare at him all he could and appreciate his never-ending cuteness.

"EH!? Then why did you agree to come with me?"

Nitori looked confused, but happy nevertheless.

"I just wanted to. Didn't you want me to go with you or what?"

"Of course I wanted to go out with you!"

Aiichirou looked at Matsuoka and smiled once more.

"Actually… I already ate too, so maybe we could eat some ice cream or something like that. What do you think, senpai?"

"Yes, I have no problem with it. Then, let's go."

They went to a nearby café.

Nitori ordered a strawberry parfait and Rin got a lemonade and french fries.

"You're not eating anything sweet?!"

"No, it's not my thing."

"Once I get my parfait I'll let you try it."

Nitori smiled and just a couple of minutes after the food came.

"Rin-senpai, say 'ahh'"

Rin was drinking and almost choke on his drink thanks to his charming kohai's suddenness.

The gray-haired boy was holding a spoon near Rin's face.

The upperclassman couldn't help but blush.

He tried to look away but his roommate's eyes were radiating with light so he followed his lead and ate the piece of parfait that was on the spoon.

"It's delicious, right?"

Nitori smiled and savored the bit of ice cream left on the spoon.

This sent chills down Rin's back. He was burning up inside.

"A-Ai!?

"What? What happened?"

Aiichirou seemed lost, he couldn't figure out what he had done.

Matsuoka decided to ignore it.

They spent the entire afternoon talking about their vacation, but from time to time Rin would wind up lost looking at his friend's lips. He thought of devouring him, but he had to keep his feelings and thoughts under control.

Afterwards they went back to their room.

"I'm beat!"

Nitori let himself fall in Rin's bed.

"How come your bed is more comfortable than mine?"

"How should I know?"

_He's on my bed…  
_Rin's thoughts were starting to get wilder and wilder, but suddenly he noticed the gray-haired boy's head.

_What!? His hair has become a mess._

Matsuoka burst out laughing.

"What? What's so funny Rin-senpai?"

"Ai… your…"

Rin stopped talking, he couldn't stop laughing.

"Ai, your hair's hilarious!"

"EH!? What!?"

Aiichirou got up from the bed and ran towards the bathroom to see himself on the mirror.

"I do look ridiculous…"

"I think you looked cute."

Suddenly a waving red color covered the younger one's face.

The elder opened his eyes widely.

He couldn't take his view.

At that moment, he couldn't take having his love in front of him blushing violently and not being able to touch him.

"Mm, just kidding, but you did look funny."

Rin faked a smile, grabbed a t-shirt and some pants and walked past his roommate to go to the bathroom.

He shut the door and sat down leaning his back against it.

Nitori on the other side of the door did the same thing.

Both of them let out a sigh and looked down with disappointment.

_He's so close yet so far away… _

_Once I think I finally have him in my grasp he goes on his own to disappear from my sight taking along all my hope. _

When Rin came out from the bathroom he found Nitori sleeping on his desk.

"Idiot, there's drool all over your face."

He wiped it off and decided to wake his friend up.

"Oi, Ai, wake up."

Aiichirou was in a trance and the lighting was hurting his eyes.

He got up anyways and put on a sleepy smile when looking at his senpai.

"Thanks Rin... I'll bath now."

Nitori took his pajamas and headed to the bathroom.

_He said "Rin"… he called me by my name for the first time._

Matsuoka was petrified.

He stayed in front of his roommate's desk until he started feeling like he was about to crack up.

The redhead felt a single tear going down his cheek.

Soon enough that tear wasn't lonely anymore.

He realized he wouldn't be able to stop crying any time soon.

_I gotta turn the lights off and…_

_Fuck! _

_I can't do this anymore; I'm starting to feel like shit again._

Matsuoka turned off the lights and ran to his bed.

He was afraid his kohai would be able to hear him so he covered himself with a blanket and hid his face in his pillow.

Rin tried to stop sobbing, but he couldn't.

He felt all of his past worries coming back to him.

They were eating him out completely, leaving him with nothing but sorrow and self-pity.

The swimmer felt his heart breaking into pieces.

After a couple more minutes of agony he fell asleep without noticing.

The boy was already used to crying until falling asleep and he already knew how to act okay the next day.

In the morning, Rin got up like he would usually do. It was Monday and he had class early in the morning.

"Rin-senpai, good morning!"

Nitori greeted him with a toothbrush on his mouth.

_Thank God he's acting like usual._

"Morning. I'm going to take a shower."

"Should we leave together to school?"

Matsuoka looked at him surprised.

"I mean, if you don't mind… Rin-senpai, it's just that I'm feeling kind of nervous, you know, coming back to school and I'd like to cherish more my time with you."

Aiichirou smiled kindly like always.

The redhead knew his kohai didn't mean anything weird when saying that, but it still made him feel extremely happy.

"Sure, wait for me then."

"Mmm… senpai, I also wanted to know if you were feeling alright."

"Yeah, I'm fine"

Rin tried not to look him in the face and moved on to take his clothes and underwear.

Just went he was about to enter the bathroom Nitori spoke up.

"But the bags under your eyes worry me. I know we're not that close yet, but I would like to help you always! So don't hesitate to talk to me if you need someone to console you. W-wait, I don't mean to be disrespectful, it's just that I want you to know that I will always be there for you, _always_."

Aiichirou's words startled Rin.

It was sudden and unexpected, and Matsuoka was so used to breaking down he forgot all about the tears he had shed the day before.

He thought he should thank him for noticing, but when he looked up and saw Nitori's painful expression he couldn't bring himself to do it.

It pained him even more see his beloved looking down because of his emotional issues and lack of courage.

Matsuoka turned around and closed the door.

_Why does he have to look as if he's saying "I can see right through you and your façade"?_

They left the dorms together, but spent the way to the school in an absolute and terrifying silence.

* * *

It was a long day and now they were both on their way to their room.

To their misfortune they didn't have swim practice until the next week.

Rin was the first one to get there. He changed his clothes and was thinking of going out for a run, but the sound of the door opening washed away his thoughts.

"Ah! Rin-senpai… H-hi."

"Ah, yes… I mean, hey."

They both felt uncomfortable and tense.

"Mm, senpai…"

Nitori was walking towards his senpai and was about to say something when he accidentally hit the foot of their bunk bed and fell hitting hi head.

"Ah! Ouch! Ah, ah, ouch…"

"Are you okay!?"

Rin rushed to his kohai's side and saw that everything was okay.

Now that he knew the other was okay he burst out laughing really loud.

"God, you're so funny, I can't stop laughing."

Matsuoka sat in front of Aiichirou and rubbed his head.

"Does it hurt?"

Then, he ran his fingers down his kohai's face and caressed his cheek.

"Yes, I'm fine, senpai."

They both forgot about the uneasiness in their hearts and smiled while looking into each other's eyes.

"That's good, Ai."

The redhead stood up and offered to help his underclassman get up with his extended and firm arm ang a big open palm.

"Thanks, Rin."

They found themselves lost in each other's gaze until Nitori broke the silence.

"I mean, Rin-senpai, thank you."

"It's okay."

Matsuoka felt warm inside and nothing could erase the smile on his face. Now he would be able to stop having nights like the one before... or at least that's what he thought.


	3. Chapter 3

I wrote this ages ago, the thing is I wanted it to be longer, but at the same time I thought it wouldn't look good if I made it longer so I decided to ignore this whole writing fan fiction thing, and left it there. But yeah, I finally decided to upload this chapter even though it's really short and then write everything else on another chapter which will definitely be way longer than this one. I'm so sorry, and I'll try to update it again by the end of this week.

* * *

Rin was thinking that he should up his game and ask Nitori out on a date.

However, he couldn't find the right moment to do it.

He couldn't do it at school and once they reached their room his kohai would engross himself in his textbooks.

_Fuck, it's as if the Universe doesn't want me to do it. Fuck, fuck, fuck! Shit, why can't I just ask him and go on with life? Why am I so fucking nervous?_

Matsuoka seemed like a fearful and strong teenage boy on the outside, but on the inside he was just an insecure and weak boy who couldn't even muster the courage to ask out the person he loved on a simple date.

One week passed in a blink of an eye.

They were back to practice now.

At least that would help him relax a bit.

"Rin-senpai! I'm going on ahead."

"Wait for me there then."

"Alright!"

Nitori smiled as cheerfully as he could.

Matsuoka loved to think that that smile belonged only to him.

It was his good luck charm.

While he was looking for his swimming trunks he tripped thanks to his kohai's disorganized desk.

"Ouch, fuck!"

He started jumping on one foot when he suddenly saw that the gray haired boy's journal was lying open on the ground.

When he was about to grab it he noticed that a date was circled.

It was the 28th of September.

_That's next Saturday… I wonder what Nitori needs to do on that day, maybe an appointment? _

Matsuoka looked at the clock.

"Argh! I'm already five minutes late!"

He left the journal on his roommate's desk and changed his clothes as quickly as he could.

"Oi, Rin! You're late!" Mikoshiba yelled at Rin from inside.

"Sorry!"

"Nitori has been waiting for you, try to be more responsible."

_Did he need to say it like that? For Christ's sake, I already know I'm late…_

The redhead walked past the captain and went to his kohai's side.

"Sorry I'm late, are you ready to take my time?"

"Yes, Rin-senpai!"

Aiichirou smiled like always.

_That smile will be the end of me._

The practice was finally over and now they were all heading to the dorms.

"Rin-senpai…"

"What?"

"I was thinking… maybe you would like, if you have time, go out with me this Saturday?"

"Eh?"

The bigger boy was blushing aggressively and couldn't keep his mind under control.

"Only if you have time!"

The other was also nervous and blushing.

Their faces were bright red like tomatoes.

The silence ruled on that moment until Matsuoka took over it.

"I… I don't have anything on that day so I guess I could go with you."

His friend looked surprised, almost astonished.

"Do I look like such a bad person who wouldn't accompany his friend on a date?"

"No, senpai, you're a really good person… eh, wait, a date?"

Now they were both panicking and lost on words, eyes wide and minds blank.

"No, that's not what I mean. I-I was talking about, you know, j-just going out on a Saturday... with you."

"Yes, R-Rin-senpai, I know y-you were talking about that… I mean, duh, obviously, senpai… I-I'm going to take a shower!"

Nitori dashed to the bathroom as fast as he could.


End file.
